Men And Women

I am reading this book “for women only” and it really is an eye opener. We all know, that we see things differently, but I think the main difference is that we value things differently and that makes the big difference and leads to most misunderstanding.

Respect is immensely important for men. To show them love for them means to show them respect. Criticizing is undermining them.
And that is what most women do, including me: nagging. My friend R. wrote the other day, that this is something she watched her mother doing and I agree it is the same with me. That is how our mothers treated their husbands: nagging them and that is what we learned and what we copy without thinking. R. said, she thinks it has to do with a feeling of inferiority. That is so right. I have never thought about it that way.

If women would see themselves as equal they would support the men they love, instead of undermining them.
I don’t think we have a conscious problem with seeing us equal, it is more a reflex that we think we have to show the men that they are not better than we are. Maybe not.
But why I could never agree with feminism was that is was fought from an inferior perspective and I never felt that way.

Knowing to be a woman, loving to be a woman and taking my place next to a man has still been a problem. Not showing them respect to let them know that they had no power over me. I only understand now that this attitude which was meant to show power actually results from a feeling of inferiority.

I always wondered in movies, when I saw some men together and one of them did something really stupid, that none of the other guys kept him from doing it. This is the man thing, that a man has to do his thing and every man knows that and respects it. Only we women haven’t realized this. Most of us.

What this book changed for me is a whole paradigm shift. Before that I knew if I would behave in a certain way or say certain things he would be cross with me, and it would start a fight so I rather kept quiet (sometimes) to keep the peace. But I still thought I was right.

Now I understand if I say certain things I actually question him as a man. I give him the feeling not beeing good enough, not trusting him. Because I don’t want that and it was never my intention I change my behaviour.

Before that most of our fights were about me wanting him to see things my way. Now I know he sees things differently because he is a man and I am glad he is and I want him to be one.

Now I know it is in his nature to see and do things differently and I respect that because I love him and therefore I respect him, even when he does things that I would do differently.