Christmas

Life out here in the village feels less christmassy than ever. Only the beautiful lights at night remind us that we still have to buy some presents. Or maybe not. We could dig in the garage for some long forgotten toys, wrap them in nice paper and give them to the kids.

Desert

We are back from the desert. We went to the Karoo. Up a dirtroad, 100 kms north of Ceres. We took the dogs and two boys to visit Luzie and her friends on a farm.

It was different from anything else I have been. You travel this dusty yellow road and there are no cars, no trees, no houses, just bushes and dry land. There is nothing. The wind that blows into the windows is hot like a hairdryer. Nothing changes just dry flat land. And suddenly at the horizon you see something blue and it is glimmering because of the heat. It looks like water. Blue blue water and you think this must be a mirage and as you come closer you see, it is actually water. Masses of blue blue water in the middle of this dry yellow land. You have no idea where it comes from. And it is cold. It is a miracle.

We turned left at the green watertank and the sign grote dam, drove through a gate and the road became worse and worse untill we finally arrived in the middle of nowhere. Three empty cottages, no shade. The fridge didn’t work. The butter melted away. We ate all the meat the first night and drank warm beer. The water which came out of the shower was too hot to use. We went to swim at the dam. There was a huge dam In the middle of this dry land with cold water. A bird sanctuary because there is nobody. Just us and the birds. The children played in the pool, a natural hot pool where the water flows from the mountain into the pool and it just overflows because you can’t stop the water.

Every morning we got up at six o’clock after the sunrise and walked into the dessert. It was beautiful. You can walk forever in any direction. We saw a rooi cat, we collected stones and rocks. We walked along an almost dry river bed with puddles of water.

At night we listened to the birds and sat in the coole breeze. The stars were amazing. It was just us and the sky. I could lwatch the stars from my bed. I saw the moon rise bright orange and fell back asleep until a layer oft bright orange light on the dark blue sky announced the sunrise.

It had 46 or more degrees. We swam and ate and slept. It was snake season. We saw a dead Cape Cobra next to the road and told the kids to watch every step because it was an hour drive to the next doctor. Luzies friends family spent their days shooting mice and feeding them to the cats. The mice eat the vegetable they grow in a little garden and attract the snakes. The girls run around in bikinis and rubber boots.

On the way back in an insane heat, we stop for a car on the side of the dusty road. They had a puncture and their jack was broken. They said, you can not believe how glad we are to see you. We were the second car they met on the road since they had left two hours ago and had waited for 30 minutes in the burning sun until we arrived. Sven changed their tyre and than we travelled together to the next gas station more than 60 kms away. We both needed diesel and drove on empty. We knew we wouldn’t make it that far. Sven stopped at a game resort and asked if they could sell us some diesel and they did.

As soon as we left the dirt road it cooled down. We were back in the world. For the first time in my life I loved the heat. I have never experienced the dry desert heat. It is completely different from the tropical humid heat. It is so dry, I didn’t even sweat. It is like the exact opposite of a very cold clear winterday.

Live Exams

Sitting in the garden, eating breakfast, I thought whether I had passed this year. I thought which were my strong subjects and which were my weak.
I reflected the year and I came to the conclusion that I did quite well. It has been a good year. A very demanding year at the same time. A lot of things had happened.

We moved to the country side, the children went to the village school (thank God) after homeschooling them for a few months. We bought a new car and travelled for the first time since we live here. We took a stranger into our house, I made a new friend for life, I started a blog, our book came out, we went to Germany (first time after 3 years), we signed a new book contract, we went to Madagascar. And I am sure I forgot some important things.

I asked Sven if he thinks he had passed this year. He said, he thinks he made it. I asked him what was his best subject. He said love.
Mine was happiness and contentment. That was my prayer at the beginning of this year.
We just had moved here, I was swimming in the river and thought, this is heaven, this is what I had always dreamt of and at the same moment I started to worry: Why did we only sign the lease for one year? What if we have to leave this place?
And I realized that I lived most of my life worrying. Either I was anxious that things would come to pass and when they finally did I worried that they will pass.
Floating on my back I decided this had to stop. I prayed that I would learn how to be happy and content in every situation. And I think this is what I learned this year.

Even now, feeling change coming without knowing where to go and how to do it, I feel peace. I enjoy where I am, and I am grateful for it and at the same time I am excited for new things to come, knowing God will give me the heart for wherever he wants me to be.

My weakest subject is still patience. That was my last years lesson and I hardly passed. I never understood why you have to learn patience. Wouldn’t it be much easier if things simply would happen faster?
But even here I learned not to wait, but to enjoy live in the meantime. That makes it much easier. And there is always something to enjoy.

Final Destiny

Today was the last day in school.
Anton has finished seventh grade and passed. They went to school with their white shirts over their casual clothes for everyone to write on. He will be going to high school next year and that will be a big change. For all of us. Because there is no high school in Stanford and he will not board. We might all move. To the city.

This thought kept us busy the whole week. We went to the German school in Cape Town and liked it very much. I am soo excited thinking about living in the city. I think I had my share of country life now. It was great, I will miss it, but it is time for a change. Nothing is sure for now but we have to decide within the next six weeks. Than school will start. I must hold myself back not getting too excited.

We thought about all the plans that we had made. One of them was to travel the world with the children when they are still young and living with us. Our friend Michael said, while we were waiting for our children: “Yes, traveling the world would be great. As long as it is still there.”

This evening I watched “Edmond” on dvd. It was still light outside. I usually don’t watch movies during the day. I feel guilty doing that, but today it was a lazy hot day. The beginning of the holidays. Luzie was sleeping next to me, exhausted from the school year that has just ended, the sun was shining through the open door into her face and I hang a blanket up the reck where a curtain should be.

David Mamet wrote the screenplay to Edmond. It is not an excellent film, but an excellent script. It has got the best ending I have ever seen. I usually forget every ending but this I will remember forever. A burned out white business guy finding his final destiny in a prison cell in the arms of a black prisoner with a rotten front tooth who had sodomized him. Now I spoiled the movie for you but you might have never watched it anyway. Have a great holiday!

My Boy

Anton age 8

Anton age 10

Anton age 12

Anton two months ago

It was Antons 14th birthday on Friday. Like every birthday I couldn’t believe that is has been 14 years ago when i pushed him into the world. I still remember his birth as it was yesterday. The night in our apartment in Berlin Charlottenburg. My friend U. was with me because Sven was working as a projectionist at a movie theater that night. U. and I watched a movie on my small black and white tv. I was already a week past my due date and again nothing seemed to happen. U. had just decided to sleep over when Sven came home at midnight and the moment he opened the door I had my first contraction. I got up and fired the oven in the bathroom to take a bath. We had only cold water and Kachelöfen in that apartment. I am too scared of hospitals thats why I had my children at home.
My midwife was on holiday and her replacement didn’t hear the beeper. So nobody came until 3 o clock in the morning. I was in the bath for hours. I had never met the midwife before and when she came she said that was her first birth since 10 years. But she was great. Somehow she got me out of the tub and onto the bed. I left marks on Svens and my friends hands and arms when I finally pushed him out. It was 7 o clock in the morning and Sven went out to buy champaign and breakfast to celebrate. Anton was the most beautiful baby. He looked so familiar to me. He had the most perfect nose and ears. He still has.

He went on a big hike with two friends and two girls and Sven the next day. They walked three and a half hours to the rock pools and waterfall. Sven showed me on his camera Anton’s 5 meter jump from the rocks into the water. He never did that before. He seemed changed. He is becoming a man now. This morning I found a paper envelope in my laptop. “From a secret helper” was written in front of it in small skew letters. Inside were 250 Rand. Anton had given me his birthday money because “we need it more than him”. When I gave it back to him with tears in my eyes, he grinned and said, I knew you would give it it back to me anyway.